How to paddle a waterfall
Make sure that your group consists of less than three paddlers.
Choose a group of paddlers with a total combined paddling experience of less than four years.
Pick a waterfall on a river you’ve never even seen before.
Preferably choose a waterfall at a nice photo-opportunity tourist spot.
Don’t read any available canoeing guidebooks for the river.
Do not take any notice of the fact that any guidebook (if you were to read it) says that the chosen waterfall is dangerous, and should not be
paddled.
Choose a line down the fall, by the far bank, which is difficult to inspect, and which is difficult to reach when paddling. This ensures a fine line-up for the waterfall itself.
Make sure than any alternate line down the waterfall involves a very shallow landing spot.
Send down the ‘rookie’ paddler first.
Make the slightly more experienced paddler hold the video camera – far more useful than any potential safety gear.
Zoom the video camera in carefully onto the drop. Wait for the paddler come into view.
Watch the paddler fail to get the intended line, and instead paddle over the nasty 3-metre drop onto a very shallow bed-rock base.
Say ‘ouch’.
When he paddles to the bank, complaining that his back now hurts, decide that perhaps this waterfall is not for paddling today.
And finally, make the video available on the club web site.
Conor [ With apologies to Nick & Martin ]