Bristol Canoe Club Magazine Summer 2002
We apologise for the delay in producing this magazine, but hopefully we’re now up and running again
As before, this is your magazine, so if you’d like to see more / less / better articles, please say so. As you can see, we’ve accumulated a lot of articles for this issue, please keep them coming for the next!
Thanks – Conor O’Neill
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank; proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
Blame Tony Barrass for this one…
The current committee
In case you don’t know, the current club committee is:
Chairman: Lisa Gunton Treasurer: Tony Barrass Secretary: Paula Budge Plus: Steve Bennett, Mark Heeley, Peter Tullett, Richard Gunton, Jenny Jewell, Conor O’Neill
Bristol Canoe Club’s 40’th birthday
As fas as we can tell, Bristol Canoe Club is 40 years old this year. We have a copy of issue 1 of the club newsletter, dated December 1962. We have therefore decided to have a party on Saturday 30th November. At the moment, no other details are fixed, but it may be a meal in a restaurant. Please keep the date free.
Play Boating Course
I have been trying to go on a play boating course for a while so when Alamo said that he would be organising one for the end of October at the Tryweryn I said that I would be interested.
So four of us arrived at the Tryweryn on Friday night. Richard, Jenny, Alamo and me. We put up our tent, and due to feeling the need to be in tip top condition for the following day we all went to sleep fairly early with no alcohol. We needed to meet the instructor at nine in the morning. After a cold night in the tent I remembered why I did not camp in October any more.
After a cooked breakfast we changed into our kit and went to meet the instructor. He was very surprised to see us changed and ready to go and, even more surprisingly, we either had – or wanted to paddle – playboats. Alamo tried Richard’s Zone and Richard hired an Ego from the Tryweryn. Apparently some people had previously turned up with mountain bats to do the course.
We started the course with an early morning roll and the instructor told us that it was great that we could roll but not to worry if we did swim as with the amount of times we were likely to be upside down there was a fair possibility that we would swim at some point.
We started off learning how to do stern dips, with Richard achieving turns at the end of his and Alamo managing to be vertical. We then all had a go on the splat rock and I managed to splat properly for the first time, this might be due to the fact the I put meaning into the manoeuvre and got to make the most of the instructor. We then did some surfing and stopped for lunch in the café half way down. We had been on the water for 2 and a half hours at this point. Rich was being very keen and he carried on playing by the café.
I had made some of my chocolate cake so we all had some helpings of this including the instructor who thought it was excellent but decided it might not be good for his paddling performance.
Next we went down to scaffold bridge where its very good for learning cartwheeling. Alamo, Jenny and me started off with pop outs and Rich did his cartwheels. Rich was then told how to do cartwheels with more than two turns and he achieved this. Alamo and me then started to do the beginnings of cartwheels, front first, then back, and then always ending upside down. After several of these upside down manoeuvres I had my first swim taking the instructor by surprise has he was now sat on the side giving directions. Got back in and tried again a few more rolls then it was time to try more than two points on the cartwheel. In I went, one point, two points, paddles around for the third, only one slight problem they seemed to leave my hands at this point. Tried to hand roll but to no avail, out again.
A few more cartwheels done by Rich and Alamo then we went down to the wave by the camp site and tried spinning and surfing this. Jenny managed to do some spins and Alamo had his first swim. I think we were starting to get tired now as we had been on the water for at least 5 hours by now. We then walked the boats up to the café, the others decided to do one more run but I went for a coffee and they finished at the café.
I had an excellent day and would certainly do another course although I think I would do two half-day courses instead. I now need to practice the things I learnt although with the amount of water that has been around so far that has been difficult.
That evening Rich went home and we went to Bala pizza place with Dan Peel who had turned up in the morning and some of his friends who were going on the same courses as us the next day. We paddled the Tryweryn on Sunday and tried out some of the new skills that we had learnt the day before.
Many thanks to Alamo for organising the weekend, and to the others for being there.
– Lisa
Games Night
The games night took place at the pool on Wednesday 13th Feb. It consisted of teams of people doing some very silly relay races and a good time was had by all – I hope!
The winning team… Conor O’Neill, Ellen Colfer, Andrew, Harvey Lyons and Lee Nichols.
Second was…Tony Barrass, Sean, Matt, Bill and Alan.
The other two teams came joint third… John, Mark Colfer, Teresa Treasure, Lewis Treasure and Steve Bennett. And Lisa, Aaron Colfer, Kevin and Richard Gunton.
– Paula Budge
Roof racks free to anyone who can use them (both perfect condition, but don’t fit our new car)
1. To fit Ford Fiesta (new style car without gutters)
2. To fit Peugeot 305
Contact Avis. 01454 774473
Pool Rolling competition
Results, Wed 27th Feb 2002.
Timings are for three rolls. Paddle rolls:
| 1 | Tony Barrass | 6.89 |
| 2 | Rob Hignell | 7.47 |
| 3 | Richard Gunton | 8.01 |
| 4 | Harvey Lyons | 8.70 |
| 5 | Conor O’Neill | 8.83 |
| 6 | Clive Weston | 9.33 |
| 7 | Lisa Gunton | 10.01 |
| 8 | John Stansfield | 10.76 |
| 9 | Quentin Nichols | 16.32 |
| 10 | Pete Tullett | 19.91 |
Hand rolls:
| 1 | Tony Barrass | 5.07 |
| 2 | Rob Hignell | 5.83 |
| 3 | Harvey Lyons | 5.89 |
| 4 | Clive Weston | 7.26 |
| 5 | Conor O’Neill | 7.72 |
| 6 | Lisa Gunton | 9.51 |
– Conor
THE RELUCTANT CANOEIST
If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard much from Mike Perrott lately, it’s because he’s been busy trying to convert his new partner (me, a middle aged housewife with a passion for the arts), into the woman of his dreams (something along the lines of a nubile tv weather girl with a passion for canoeing).
He mentioned it early on, but I explained the many reasons why I would never be a canoeist, ie too old, too lazy, too scared, can barely swim, no co-ordination, always bunked off games at school, motion sickness, vertigo, don’t want to do it.
So he went crafty on me, and proposed a romantic walk on Tickenham Hill. I’d lived in Tickenham more than 10 years and been on the hill maybe five times.
Mike: look, Lesley, isn’t it lovely?
Me: Trees, sky, grass. Can we go now?
Nothing if not persistent, Mike spent all that summer trying to get me fitter. Many people have tried this in the past, but no one ever thought of downright lies before. Eg what Mike calls ‘a nice shady stroll through some trees’ turned out to be Crooks Peak on the hottest day of the year.
The next summer he suggested a romantic boat trip on the Wye. I wasn’t too worried, because I knew he’d taken some friends and their disabled child and they’d really enjoyed it. Ha. Friends clearly all had cast iron stomachs for a start. Took me about ten minutes to get into the boat (thought at one stage I’d probably spend the rest of my life with one foot in the boat and one on the bank) and after that I found that the only way to avoid throwing up was to focus sternly on the horizon.
Mike: look, Lesley, water, ducks, small children in nappies paddling canoes.
Me: shut up and take me home.
Next, my son wanted to give it a try, so I went along to make sure Mike wasn’t too hard on the poor lad. Son managed reasonably well in Mike’s canoe (on the Wye again) and somehow they persuaded me to try it. Starting with a multiple spin that wouldn’t have disgraced Torville and Dean, I then found myself drifting helplessly away from them completely unable to get back, while Mike and son stood on the bank.
Me: help help!
Mike: what’s that she’s saying?
Son: fancy a beer Mike?
Nothing happened until the next summer (I’ve come to really enjoy winter, it’s so peaceful and free of canoeing), when he got me onto the river at Congresbury. I said I’d only do it if we went very early on a Sunday when no one was looking. As we pulled into the car park a coach followed us in, blocking the exit. It was picking up a troupe of about 50 Brownies off to camp, all being seen off by their parents, all fascinated by the mad lady struggling into a crash hat and buoyancy aid.
Obviously I lived to tell the tale, despite the scary conditions – pond weed, hordes of vicious Hell’s Ducks and a swimming dog. More important, it’s confirmed my suspicion that you are all utterly mad. Bonkers.
Me: Mike, you’re bonkers, plus I am completely hopeless at this.
Mike: I dunno, you’re quite good at turning the paddle.
That’s alright then, if I ever need a trick to do at parties, I can demonstrate how good I am at turning the paddle. So anyway, the next step is to improve my swimming. The trouble with swimming is I do twenty strokes and then I’m bored and I want to go home. Can anyone tell me what my brain is supposed to amuse itself with while my body is busy? (I can’t ask Mike, he says his brain has always been perfectly happy doing nothing.)
– Lesley
Polo
magazine-summer-2002-polo-report
Scotland, Easter 2002
Definition of a Playboater
Saw this on the UK newsgroup….
Not a definition as such, but a progression from beginner to playboater…
Beginner: Every time he paddles the boat just goes round in circles.
Novice: Getting better, can now zigzag down the river.
Paddler: Got the hang of it now, can paddle in a straight line but tends to hit things.
Expert: Getting better, can now zigzag down the river.
Playboater: Every time he paddles the boat just goes round in circles.
Steve Balcombe (C)2002 😉
Club email list
A reminder – if you have email, you can add your name to the club email list. This typically has a couple of messages each week. It is a very easy way to distribute up-to-date programmes, etc.
If you think that you’re on the list, but haven’t received any emails from it, then we may have an incorrect address for you, so please contact me again.
To add yourself onto the list, email Conor O’Neill at work, on ONeillCJ@Logica.com
Also, the club web page is at: http://www.bristolcanoeclub.org.uk
Conor’s other career
Some of you may have heard about the new movie called ‘Hardball’. This is Mark Heeley’s review…
A man merely drifting through his life is about to find inner strength he never knew he had. In “Hardball,” KEANU REEVES portrays Conor O’Neill – an underachiever who is both inspired and redeemed by the unlikeliest group of people he could ever have imagined.
Conor likes to bet on sports games, which makes him a dubious choice for a role model. However, his buddy won’t help him pay off his debts unless he coaches for a corporately sponsored youth baseball team. All of a sudden, Conor O’Neill is thrust into molding underprivileged kids into a cohesive unit in one of the toughest parts of Chicago.
What could hardly be a worse punishment to Conor will slowly become a learning experience. For the first time in his life, this man is responsible for someone other than himself. His meagre existence and selfish pursuits begin to seem empty, and his eyes are opened by young lives and hearts barely scraping by on the fringes of society.
Sleep canoeing at the Red Bull Northern Exposure
Pete James, our resident multi-sports / adventure-racing expert, writes this:
Saturday 1pm: The National Mountain Centre at Glenmore Lodge in Scotland. I’ve been making final adjustments to my gear, talking to the race organisers and slipping in an afternoon nap. My three Gore-tex GoLite team mates are in a nearby bunk house sorting out their kit, having had about 2 hours sleep a night for the last week. We have yet to do our pre-race gear checks, and the winter skills testing up on the mountains opposite, but this isn’t a problem.
Saturday 5pm: We have completed the skills testing, given a tv interview, and been ushered straight into the final pre-race briefing in our mountain boots. The race starts at midnight and will last up to 72 hours. No more sleep until Tuesday is a distinct possibility.
Saturday Midnight: We are positioned at the top of the Glenmore Lodge ski run on our mountain bikes. The race starts in a blaze of powerful lights and flash-guns. Racing along in a pack of 40 riders, we try to read the map while negotiating tree roots, rocks and other riders. Within half an hour all the other teams have fallen away – in some cases literally – and we are alone in the night. These are some of the best tracks I’ve ever ridden. Magic!
Sunday 3:00am: A castle on an island in the middle of a loch. It’s very cold, and Pasi Ikonen can’t avoid getting soaked through as he gamely paddles out on a lilo to recover a “special package”. The package contains 4 mars bars.
Sunday 6:00am: Our wickedly warm and lightweight combination of clothing has saved Pasi from the fate of others who have had to stop and warm themselves up. We’re climbing up the snow and ice onto the edge of the Cairngorm mountains on a brilliant morning. The sun is shining, low cloud nestles in the hollows, the view before us is absolutely stunning. We’re leading the race. Moments like this are why we’re here.
Sunday 4pm: We’re paddling Canadian canoes down the river Spey. Used to fast unstable racing kayaks or raging white-water, this is too sedate and the challenge is how to stay awake. I try singing: the team just ahead run one boat into the bank and collide with the other. Effective, but not in the way I imagined…
Monday 10am: Pasi isn’t feeling that great. We discuss taking some weight from him. He doubles over and commences an impressive bout of vomiting. Anna McCormack and I help push Pasi from behind, Ski tows and carries a second pack. This is the acid test of a good adventure racing team: the willingness of the individual to push through pain and discomfort to keep going, their team mates readiness to push themselves to the limit to help.
Monday 1:00pm: We’re walking across an immaculate snow-filled basin where all sense of distance has slipped away. I’ve had to hand my pack to Anna, nausea welling up in my stomach. I try some of my favourite crisps, and have to spit them out before I vomit. We’ve made a big mistake somewhere with our source of drinking water.
Monday 5:00pm: Pasi is strong enough to take his pack again, but hasn’t been able to eat anything. I’m feeling better, but Ski has insisted on keeping my pack for now. Walking faster than the rest of us while carrying twice as much weight is what he’s best at, so I don’t argue.
Monday 8:00pm. Ski has asked me if I’m okay to take my pack. Then he’s talking to god on the great white telephone. The end is in sight, but we don’t know how far behind us the next team is. We negotiate a river crossing without taking the precaution of removing our socks first. It means 3 hours of wet feet and discomfort but we reckon this could save us as much as 3 minutes – the difference between winning and losing?
Monday 11:00pm: We have biked to the lake shore with only a brief stop for Ski to throw up again.. Only Anna is feeling okay. A short paddle across the ink-black lake. Ski throws up again. With our lead safe we walk the final 2km and cross the finish line hand in hand. Flashguns, interviews, congratulations. Unusually none of us fancy a beer. We’re a team, the best. The euphoria of the moment passes. Suddenly its midnight, it’s very cold, and we’re standing in water filled Gore-tex boots. And it’s been a long time since we slept.
– Pete James
Treasure Hunt, Summer 2002
Testing Time for Thursday Paddlers
Forget the Exe Descent and the Upper Dart – the real Olympian challenge of the canoeing season took place down the docks on the evening of 30 August, at 6 o’clock sharp.
In true Olympic fashion, the annual Bristol Canoe Club Treasure Hunt attracted both previous laureates and hopeful newcomers. Drug-testing was not a feature, but the Olympic Committee (in the person of a well-wrapped-up Avis perched on the dockside) had thoughtfully provided waterproof question pouches, pencils-on-a-string and handy ready-to-fill-in answer cards.
Killer instinct. Initial thoughts of working in pairs were rapidly cast aside as the killer competitive instinct kicked in. Passers-by looked on in puzzlement as a succession of single-minded canoeists peered quizzically into boatyards, craned to read obscure dockside signs, and painstakingly counted and re-counted the number of columns on the front of the Lloyds building. (The answer may be 50.) Even a sudden cloudburst did not dampen the determination of the plucky paddlers.
Controversial victory. In finest Olympic tradition, the victor’s triumph was marred by controversy. One first-time Treasure Hunter, who has chosen to remain anonymous for legal reasons, complained to the press about the tactical manoeuvres employed by certain experienced competitors. Speed, it transpired, is as important in this game as getting all the answers right – as testified by the victory of Mr Strategy himself, Conor ‘I didn’t want to win’ O’Neill.
Paula ‘I never expected to come second’ Budge followed shortly behind, with Christine ‘It’s not fair I was the only person to get all the answers’ Davis a bitter-and-twisted joint third, a position shared with Simon Reid. Technical difficulties dogged some of the contestants; Sue was heard to complain ‘I’ve got no lead in my pencil’, while Lisa inadvertently dropped her answer paper after three clues.
Those results in full Final results were as follows; cheers to all involved, and especially to Avis Noott, the undisputed Bamber Gasgoine (or for more up-to-date readers, Jeremy Paxman) of the kayak world:
1 Conor O’Neill 2 Paula Budge 3 Simon Reid, Christine Davis 5 Harvey, Julia and Sangeeta 6 Lisa Gunton 7 Jenny Insall, Sue Manahan 9 Gerald Eldridge and Steffen 10 Mark, Ellen and Aaron Colfer 11 Kevin Davies 12 Carl Davies. Retired from competition: Clive Weston, Steve Onyett
– Christine Davis
France 2002 trip
Photo Gallery:
Around 50 paddlers on the water as part of Lisa’s Fun day at the docks: 
In January 2002, Mark Aplin and Kath Cotton provided the first ‘club wedding’ in many years:
The Big Night Out, October 2001:
